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Just A Little Hot House Flower

February 9, 2010

If you live in a cold climate, there is probably that moment sometime in late February, early March where you’re just about done. As Lewis Black said “Along about Valentine’s Day, you’re ready to slit your wrists just to see a little color.”

Well, I’m kind of there. I’ve kind of been there all winter. I used to have no tolerance for heat and now it seems I have no tolerance for cold. I’m thinking of making myself a big glass terrarium, perhaps with a large ceramic frog and some colorful marbles. People could stop and visit and bring me some tasty flowers and spritz me with water occasionally.

I’ve been advised against moving to certain parts of the country because of too much heat or too much rain or too much humidity. I’m starting to think that I’m living in a place with too much snow. With a potential to have snow on the ground six months out of the year, I’m ready to refute some of the weather arguments being thrown at me.

I’m thinking that weather should have less to do with my future decision. What I really need to consider is that in the south, they either have really big bugs or they have a lot of bugs. And snakes. We used to have scorpions, tarantulas and rattlesnakes where we used to live in Oklahoma. Of course we also had bigots and inbreds. (If you think cockroaches are hard to get rid of, you should try klansmen.)

So, as I shovel the snow that’s falling, I’m asking myself just how tired I am of it.

Tired enough to endure 120 degrees in the shade with 100 percent humidity? Tired enough to be willing to open my lazy susan one day and find a cockroach? Or Twenty? Tired enough to one day look a spider in the eyes and be able to read its expression?

Maybe not yet but I’m about one snowfall away…

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Superiorfan permalink
    February 9, 2010 1:46 pm

    Reminds me of what a comedian once said. It’s not the heat it’s the humidity and it’s not the racism it’s the stupidity.

  2. February 10, 2010 4:06 pm

    Lived in Mobile, AL, as you know, ever so briefly. I’m longing for it. I mean, I’d almost move in with the ex at this point, just for the weather. I’m so there.

    And the bugs weren’t that bad….the racism was awful, though…

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