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Because A Mere Post On Squeaky Shoes Would Be Stupid

February 3, 2010

It was quite a three pipe problem. Suddenly, without warning, the favored boots purchased for a mere $24 at a resale shop over a year ago, began to fart. 

Perhaps a more socially appropriate description would be “squeak” but Holmes noted that his new client was neither social nor appropriate so he let the matter go. 

As Watson opened his journal to a fresh page, one unsullied by stories of African pygmies or wretched London street urchins who were no doubt under the employ of Professor Moriarty, he observed Holmes as the famous detective settled back in his favorite chair and massaged his temples. 

After years of being the premier detective in London, the wizard at 221B, it had all come down to this: shoes that wouldn’t stop making socially unacceptable noises. 

As his client relayed her story of filling her shoes with talcum powder and altering her gait, all to no avail, Holmes leaned forward and held up his hand. 

“Madame, I grow weary of your banality. In order to stop your shoes from making noise, you must do the following…”*

*Insert your ending here…

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Laura permalink
    February 4, 2010 3:36 am

    Change your attitude. No longer think of it as noise but embrace the sound, think it beautiful. Become a world famous walking percussion artist, creating rhythmic symphonies, entertaining yourself and those fortunate enough to cross paths with you and your beautiful musical shoes.

  2. Tabatha Voros permalink
    February 4, 2010 5:36 pm

    No Warning Again Dagnamit! What did I tell you? I shouldn’t tell you the secret of farting shoes just for that! But what the hell love ya anyways so here you go: Shoot expoxy glue into any miniscule holes in the soles and then make sure that the insert is completely glued down too. This should work well.

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