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The Trepanator

December 26, 2009

I like to call you blog pixies. Or perhaps fairies? Choose your favorite ethereal magical creature and consider that to be who you are.

You who leave pretty pink bags on my front porch with a much needed brand new drill in it…you who ask me “Hey, do ya need a crock pot? Cuz I have two…”

Yes, you are my blog pixies and I thank you.

The dogs are quite interested in my new drill. Every time I run it, it whips them into a frenzy. And I’m sure they will be even more interested in what I’m making in the crock pot this week.

The drill though? It has me contemplating my options. I don’t believe our fair city has a bona fide trepanator. I’m seeing this as a possible new income stream for 2010.

I have a medical background.

It would be far better than having to rely on a “do it yourself kit“.

And it can be useful in an emergency.

Also? Those pesky demons? They HATE it!

I am SO tempted to call the customer service number in the user’s manual and start asking about preferred speed, depth, and drill bits for trepanation. Perhaps I’ll even tell them that I require their assistance because I am in the middle of a trepanation session and suddenly the drill won’t run in reverse and should I take the patient into the emergency room or the service counter at Home Depot?

I am nothing if not there for the bored customer service rep that has to work a dead end job and gets nothing but boring calls all day long from people that have nothing better to talk about than power tools.

I will be their savior…

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One Comment leave one →
  1. December 28, 2009 2:01 pm

    Wow, you have a medical background, I have a machine shop background. Sort of.

    Perfect.

    I say the size of the bit depends on the size of the demon. Assuming your drill has 1/4 inch chuck then I think the 3/8 inch bit is about the largest to use. For bigger holes you will have to drill at least three holes and then use a chisel to bust out the skull.

    Depth – just as deep as necessary, and no deeper.

    Speed – fairly slow. One might think soft materials could be drilled at high speed, which they may, but they are likely to melt or, in the case of the skull, smolder, creating a stench (don’t ask).

    You could quench the bit with a garden hose but even Dexter won’t want to deal with that mess, so I say go slow and steady.

    Always happy to help,
    I remain,
    Tripp

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