This Is Not A Crock
This is an all points bulletin:
There is a missing crock pot that was last seen approximately six months ago in the company of two curtain rods and a set of dishes.
The crock pot was not intentionally purged.
The crock pot was not known to have issues with depression.
The crock pot was not known to have links to criminal organizations or a propensity for criminal intent.
The crock pot was not involved in any relationships which would produce a “person of interest”.
The crock pot is approximately 15 inches tall with a garish flower pattern on the side.
Any sightings of the crock pot should be reported to local culinary authorities.
AND MAKE IT QUICK!
That is all.